December 12, 2017

You’re Both Right

During my first session with a couple, I’ll ask both partners to turn and fully face each other.  Then I’ll ask each of them to point to their right.  I’ll wait until both partners figure out which direction is their ‘right’ and then I’ll ask each of them, “Who is right?”  i.e. whose ‘right’ is right?  I’ll get answers like, “Neither of us is right” “I’m right and my partner is wrong”.  Sound familiar???  Once in a while someone will say, “We’re both right.”  Yes!  I let them in on the best kept couples secret:  You’re always both right!  The partner who thought he/she was right never looks very happy while the other partner looks relieved.  Anticipating the most common objection, I quickly qualify this to refer to emotional issues not factual information.  I share that each of them is always right from their perspective and that from my perspective, validating each other’s experience is at the heart of couples work.

I hope you’ll continue on this journey with me as I share with you in the coming days my thoughts and feelings about the couples I see.  I hope that you’ll stay open and be curious about what you hear and that you’ll learn how to live a more joyful, purposeful and harmonious life.  And so we begin…