Do you ever wonder why your partner doesn’t hear the love message that you’re sending? You’re thinking about, feeling, saying and showing your love for her yet she doesn’t feel cared for. You end up feeling frustrated and unappreciated for all your efforts and good intentions. You ask yourself, “What’s the use of being loving? Nothing I do is ever good enough and it’s never enough!”
All you want is what’s happening in the picture: When you say love your partner hears love. No distortion, no misinterpretation, No nothing! Sounds so simple and yet it isn’t always so easy. So even though your intention is to be loving, why isn’t it coming through loud and clear to your partner?
We all have different images in our heads and hearts of what it looks like and sounds like to be loved. It’s like you both had gone to the movie theater because you wanted to have a date night. And when you get there you end up watching different movies. Afterwards you try talking to your partner about what you saw and she doesn’t know what you’re talking about because she didn’t see the same movie that you saw. You also weren’t there to put your arm around her and you definitely didn’t share any popcorn together! So what does it take for her to have an experience of you being there for her and relating to what you’re saying?
First you need to consciously choose to be in an intention to learn with your partner. You need to truly want to know what you can do or say that makes her feel cared for. What’s her definition of love? What makes her heart sing? What makes her feel desired? What has she always imagined an intimate relationship would look like?
You can also notice how she shows her love for you. Does she bring you flowers and leave you sweet notes under your pillow and in your daily calendar? Does she always ask you about and then remembers both the big and the little moments in your life? Is she always happy to see you even if she’s struggling herself? And maybe she never forgets to kiss you good morning and good night and sends you texts throughout the day letting you know she’s thinking about you.
Picking up on all these clues is the simple part. Now comes the not so easy part: Giving your partner what you know she wants in the way that she can hear it even if it’s not the same way that you would want it given to you. For you getting tickets to a sporting event or a pair of airpods would make you feel cared for. Neither of these would rock her world.
This is about making it more important to be loving than it is to be right. This is about learning how to communicate your love in a way that your partner can hear. Yes you might have to stretch out of your comfort zone. And if you choose to take this risk, you’re more likely to experience your partner appreciating you more and feeling more connected to you. And when this happens, you’re more likely to want to continue giving your partner what makes her feel loved and cared for in the way that she can hear it.
And when that happens, Love is a beautiful sound that both partners can hear and share with each other.