Can you think of a particular situation where you don’t feel supported by your partner? It might be related to how you’re raising your children or how your partner’s family treats you. Whatever the situation, you end up feeling like you either have to stand up to the person all alone or you have to always be the ‘strict’ parent even though the situation involves and affects both you and your partner. And when this happens, you probably end up feeling tired and resentful of always being the only one to address the issue.
And when you try explaining to your partner why this is so upsetting to you, he/she says to you, “I understand why you feel like this. I really do.”
And nothing changes.
I repeat, nothing changes.
Why is that? Your partner said he/she understands so why doesn’t anything change?
From my experience when someone says, “I understand”, they may intellectually hear what you say and it sounds logical to them. However they don’t really understand emotionally what you’re telling them. And I rarely see someone change their behavior without really getting viscerally how their not being there for you so deeply affects you.
In order for your partner get you on a deeper level they have to be willing to feel their feelings. They have to be able to manage these feelings. They have to be willing to understand your perspective even if they don’t agree with you. They have to get out of their head and into their heart.
And if they don’t know exactly what you need them to do or how to be with you, they need to be open to learning and ask you. And then you can tell them exactly what you need verbally, emotionally and physically. And then you need to let go of the outcome. When you do this you give your partner the opportunity to make a different choice. To understand you on a deeper level so that he/she can whole heartedly support you in whatever situation you’re facing. And when you do this you’ll feel stronger because you’re stronger together. And not only will you feel your partner has your back, but they’re also by your side.