Checking In With Your Partner
What do your car, your teeth and your relationship all have in common?They all need checkups.
The first step of a checkup is being curious. You want to check in with your partner to find out what he wants or needs more of from you and your relationship.
Here are 10 checkup questions to get you started:
1. Do you need more physical affection?
2. Do we have enough uninterrupted quality time together?
3. Do you want us to have more fun?
4. Do you wish we had more meaningful conversations?
5. Would you like to hear how I spend my day when I’m not with you?
6. Is there anything I can do to help you feel more emotionally safe in our relationship?
7. Do you feel I appreciate you?
8. Would you like more romance?
9. Do you feel you know me?
10. Do you trust me?
The second step is to address each of the items on his list. In order to do this, you need to be able to hear everything he shares as information and not take any of it personally.
Here are some quick and easy ways to satisfy the above checkup questions:
1. Wake up ten minutes earlier in the morning so you have time to cuddle in bed
2. Reserve a quiet table for dinner at a restaurant that you usually don’t go to
3. Watch comedy reels on social media together
4. Talk about where you each want to be individually and as a couple in five years.
5. Share your high and low for the day
6. Spend more time trying to understand him rather than trying to be right
7. Express gratitude for a quality of his that you admire.
8. Eat dinner by candlelight
9. Take a risk and share something about yourself that he doesn’t know
10. Practice sharing your feelings with him in the moment rather than bottling them up because you’re afraid of his reaction.
I recently brought my car in for a winter checkup and learned that all my tires were in very poor shape. When I asked my mechanic if my tires would last the winter, he replied, “You don’t want to end up in a ditch, right?” So I fixed the problem and bought four new tires. And don’t you know, two days later, I drove through several snow squalls while traveling upstate New York. Thankfully, because I value my car (and everyone who rides in it), the checkup led me to a problem I wasn’t even aware of. Adding new tires strengthened my car and prevented it (and me) from ending up in a ditch (or worse!)
In your relationship, you’re more likely to check in only when you’re aware there’s a problem. By scheduling regular checkups, you can catch problems earlier and find ways to resolve them before they get unmanageable. When you do this, you strengthen your relationship so that it also doesn’t end up in a ditch.
If you want to keep your relationship traveling on the road towards a more joyful life together rather than having the same argument over and over again, consider weekly relationship checkups. You’ll have a stronger relationship and be better prepared to deal with the snow squalls of your relationship life!