Posted: February 2, 2020
Are you experiencing a lack of intimacy in your relationship? Emotional, physical or both? Here are some of the reasons why this happens and how you both can start to reconnect.
The word intimacy means "In-to-me-see?" In order to be able to connect in a deeper way with each other, we need to be willing to be seen. To share our truth. Most of us learned at a very young age not to show our feelings. In some way we didn't feel safe. So for some very good reasons, we became a person who avoided our feelings.
However now in your adult relationship, you're still protecting against feeling your feelings even though you're no longer that young child. Now you're in a committed relationship where both partners can create inner and outer safety.
Inner safety meaning you reassure yourself that you will always take care of yourself when you feel someone is trying to control you. Outer safety meaning that you and your partner will learn how to communicate in healthier ways so you both support each other's highest good.
So how do you start creating safety in your relationship so that you both are willing to be seen? By taking loving actions both for yourself and together.
On your own you can learn how to develop a stronger part of you that can manage difficult feelings like loneliness, helplessness and heartbreak. Then you'll be more willing to be vulnerable with your partner because you know you can handle any of these feelings that may get triggered. This not only allows more emotional intimacy but also opens you up to more physical intimacy.
This path begins with being affectionate. Holding hands, putting your arms around each other, cuddling on the couch together. And at the same time constantly communicating your thoughts and feelings along the way. And addressing any fears that get triggered. Fears that no longer valid now that you have the ability to take care of and stand up for yourself. Then progressing to massaging each other and starting to connect in a more physical way.
All of this without any agenda, expectation or attachment to an outcome. Instead both partners staying in the moment, managing their own feelings, communicating in a healthy and supporting each other.
And most importantly, feeling love.