Do You Crave Intimacy?

Lack of intimacy - emotional, physical or both - this is one of the most common complaints I hear from couples. So what is intimacy? The word intimacy means ‘in-to-me-see.’ But before you can allow your partner to see your true self, you need to know and value yourself.

You may have learned at a very young age to suppress your feelings and keep them hidden. Maybe you felt unsafe sharing your deepest truths and avoided your feelings at all costs, and never experienced true intimacy with anyone.

But in an adult relationship, protecting against feeling your feelings as you did as a child is no longer necessary. Now you're in a committed relationship where both partners can create inner and outer safety.

So how do you create inner safety? By building a strong inner core and strengthening your ability to manage difficult feelings. Here are some simple exercises you can do to create a strong self. (I use a past, present, future structure to build on positive experiences.)

  • Remind yourself of a time you dealt successfully with a difficult situation. Remember how this success boosted your confidence.

  • Reassure yourself on a daily basis that you are okay, no matter what.

  • Identify something you’re afraid to share. Imagine you have a friend who has the same issue. What would you tell your friend to do?

As you do these exercises, you’ll develop a stronger sense of self. With this newfound strength, you’ll be much more able to deal with feelings of loneliness, helplessness and heartbreak. With that, you’ll be more able to take emotional risks and open up on deeper levels. This will help you become vulnerable and will lead to more intimacy with your partner.